Being Real

Lately, I have been frustrated that I cannot speak what is truly on my mind. There are still things I am “hiding”, even from my closest friends.

There are questions and doubts I have, there are things I am confused about, there are ideas I cannot bring myself to mention.

Why is it so hard? I am definitely afraid of rejection. However, I still want to be real, I want to be honest.

Now, obviously, this doesn’t mean spilling my entire life to people I don’t know, but I think I struggle with what it DOES mean for THOSE people – you know, the random guy in the supermarket that asks “How are you?” Do you tell him, “Well, my day isn’t so great”? Do you say “Oh, I’m good”, like you usually would, whether or not that was true. How about your random friend in class that you don’t really know, but you talk to before and after your math class, how do you respond to them? What does true sincerity and honesty look like?

How open/vulnerable do you think you should be?

I do not think it would necessarily be wise to randomly spill all of your deep thoughts and questions on to some random person – this could cause them to stumble in ways you may be unaware of.

Hmm… I’m tired of being superficial though. I want deep relationships. I realized that I have several friends I have known for YEARS, but we know nearly nothing about each other. Why? It’s because we don’t talk about much more than school, random stories, or “the past” (and maybe the future). I’m not saying these relationships are bad…I just desire more? Something deeper, something more meaningful.

I was recently cautioned against sharing too much with people I don’t know (it was a slightly random comment being that I am barely vulnerable even with my best friends), but, I did kind of wonder “why?” The reasons I came up with were that you could cause them to stumble, but what if it helps them examine areas they may need to think about or examine? Also, YOU could get hurt (possibly they start rumors about you based on what you’ve said? But, if you’re open with pretty much everyone, why would this matter? Or, they may misunderstand? I don’t know.)

What do you think? How open are you with people (friends, acquaintances, and strangers)? What does that look like?

Is sincerity different from honesty? Do they go hand-in-hand? Where/how does “vulnerability” fit in? What is being “real”?