Lies and Humility

I’ve identified some lies I believe.

Last semester, I mostly sat on them and continued to believe them while desperately wanting to throw them out of my life.

Recently, I’ve realized part of why I was maybe unable to do so. I kind of liked them. I felt “safe” in them. They are what I am used to and they are what define me (for me). To others, “not being worth anything” probably doesn’t define “Ashley” (at least…I kind of hope not), but, for me, being stuck in some of these self-condemning circles was just who I was and have been…for years. Also, pride. While self-condemning hardly seems prideful...I really think it can be - it is still focused on self.

The theme of the week is humility. I am working on humbling myself – realizing that, yes, while I’m not perfect, God is, and through Him, I am made stronger. I tend to be independent – I can do everything alone, I can do it myself, I don’t ever need help (there's that pride again). I admitted a couple of weeks ago that I am still deathly afraid to ask for help. God’s been breaking that part of pride in my heart for at least a year or so… I don’t always obey the call to humble myself though and ask for help, admit I’m wrong, and admit I can’t do it alone. Although rather trivial in the scheme of things, some of the ways God has been breaking this in my heart is through my car and my school-work.

For those of you who are familiar with my car, it likes to break. My tires have blown up several times and it’s decided not to start a few times as well. All of these things forcing me to ask for help. I recently also asked my professor for help with his course. Normally, I would continue going through the course hoping that something would change and I would magically understand, but it never works that way. I’m insane. I keep doing the same thing, the same way, and expecting different results. I guess it’s about time I realize that is stupid! Anyway, both situations worked out just fine – even if I was nervous about them (yes, I was nervous about asking FRIENDS to help with my car; friends I know would help me through pretty much anything…).

Yesterday’s focus was on “Taking a Step in Humility”. It said “Our failure of unwillingness to humble ourselves explains why God so often seems distant”. Wow. How true is that?

Anyway…I feel like I have a million and one other thoughts about things (some not completely related to where it seems I’ve gone with this) and this is getting long, so I think I’ll leave those for another day.

For now…
God, please continue to teach me how to be humble.