The Divine Experiment

I’m not so sure people read this anymore. There was a time last Spring when several people in the homegroup got into “blogging”. I’ve enjoyed blogging for some time and created this blog just before all of them jumped on some kind of “blogging bandwagon”. I enjoyed reading what they would write and the rare occasion any would leave a comment on what I wrote.

I really enjoy reading what other people are thinking, I guess.

Anyway, just because I’m not sure people read my blog, it doesn’t mean I’m going to quit writing. I greatly enjoy writing and it is my outlet in a lot of ways.

Today begins “The Divine Experiment”, a 21-day fast from “the status quo” of our lives. The idea is to fast from anything that keeps you from God and focus on Him more – let Him take over your life. The internet is one of the biggest time-wasters in my life. I haven’t said a whole lot to anyone about what I’m “giving up” for these next 21 days or really why. I want to write it out and perhaps someone will read it. If not, either way, it’ll remind me why it is that I am doing what I am.

In the past few months, I have been feeling increasingly distracted from God – seeking Him (in everything) and from giving my heart up completely to Him. I am very afraid to trust Him in EVERYTHING. I rely a LOT on other people to tell me “who” I am. I rely a lot on other people to feel loved, accepted, and wanted. This is something I have done all of my life, but it’s something that I somewhat recently started struggling against, as in not feeling like it’s really a good place to be in – like letting others define who I am. What other people think of me almost defines me. This is something I have been wanting to change for…a long time. But, I’ve been scared to. Also, I haven’t known how. Though, it’s something God has been slowly working on in my life. I really think a lot of the last 8-10 or so months could be defined as “shifting my focus” from love and acceptance from “the World” to love and acceptance from God alone.

A few months ago, I felt lead to give up “the internet”. I waste so much time on facebook, blog-sites, game-sites, and the internet in general. If I’ve had a bad day, I run directly to the internet for “comfort” – I can “escape” life when I just kind of play around online. I don’t rely on God at all. Also, every time I get bored or something and think about “well, what can I do?” the thought to spend time with God – through prayer, reading the Bible, and worshipping (music or art) – crosses my mind. However, I rarely do that – I run to the internet instead – and then I end up spending hours online and I don’t even know what I accomplished. Nothing.

So, a total internet fast was something I was feeling very sort of lead towards. A few weeks ago, the homegroup leaders started mentioning participating in a 21-day fast to get away from the “status quo” of life, to radically change our lives, to go “all-out” for God - a fast from the things that distract us most from seeking Him and fully experiencing life with Him. I felt like this was God saying “Ashley, you NEED to do this. You need to go through with what I’ve been laying on your heart for a while”. After some intense back-and-forth thoughts about it and some prayer, I decided yes, I am going to do this.

So, not only am I giving up facebook, but everything else. Obviously, in 2011, you cannot give up the internet completely – it is required for classes – eLearning, e-mail, online homework, online research, etc. But, I am “fasting” from anything on the internet that isn’t related to school, Care Team, e-mail, Biblegateway/Biblical-anything, or this blog. The reason for keeping this blog in my “life” is because it is so much of my outlet – I feel as though I may have thoughts I want to “make public” (even if no one reads this; even if just one person does – perhaps that one person may be encouraged or something; I have no idea). I may or may not update again in the next 3 weeks, but I felt like I needed to keep that option open. This blog is not a distraction for me. It is and has mostly been something that I have used in a small attempt to glorify God.

Anyhow, if you are someone I know or even someone I don’t, and you happened to stumble upon this, you can join me in prayer for both myself and all of the others going through this “Divine Experiment” – trust in the Lord, strength to continue fasting even when we’re tired or it gets hard, and lives to be changed – chains to be broken, the theme of the semester.

Let’s do this, God.